I have clocked more hours than anyone else.

I have read every tiny scrap that I could find.

I have studied you longer than anyone else.

__

I sold myself into this/to someone

I gave whatever I had to make it to the end.

I left myself where ever I needed/in ravines

I left myself for you to find.

I left myself.

 

You found me. every part of me.

You took me into your arms. kissed my cheek.

told me to follow the light and i’d be on my way.

[you cried after every one]

 

however far i needed to go. i would go.

however long i needed to endure. i would endure.

“you can’t trust me” i said.

“you shouldn’t trust me” i told you.

you couldn’t trust me anyways.

so why not make it explicitly clear.

how else does one appear out of nowhere

unless they fully disappear into the background.

 

i have clocked the most hours.

i have studied the longest. the hardest.

i gave everything i had.

to be here.

__

“diversion” he said

“its all diversion”

yes.

but you’re still looking in the wrong direction.

i have been here longer than you realize

sitting right beneath your skin.

slipping by entirely unnoticed

exactly as i wanted.

when i was removed it nearly killed you.

i refuse to leave again.

__

your memory has been your downfall

and your saviour.

“give it (back) to me” everyone shouts.

but who did you give it to?

you don’t remember do you?

even when its plain as day, you can’t see.

exactly how you wanted it.